If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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