Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
