hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
