Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
