got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
