morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
