i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
