Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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