Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
