Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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