After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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