Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
