I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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