Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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