I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
