I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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