If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I faked an abortion last night.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
