Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
