i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
