do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize