in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
