I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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