he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
