I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
