Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
