Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
