Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
