why do cheetos always look like penises
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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