So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
