I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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