I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
