What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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