yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
