Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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