He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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