is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
