In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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