When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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