i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
