I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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