Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Randomize
