it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
