I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
