last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
