I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
