I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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