I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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