It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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