and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
