I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
