she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
