we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize