she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
