I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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