I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
