Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
