i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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