No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
