I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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