You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize