I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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