How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
