I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
