are you still at the devil's house?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
